The idea of perfectionism is caused from a disconnection from your true self. When I say ‘true self’ I simply mean disconnection from your soul form. Perfection is the idea that happiness, joy and fulfilment is found outside of ourselves, or externally. It is the ongoing pursuit of something or someone that will say "hey, you're okay!" when this can only ever come from ourselves for us to truly believe it, see it, feel it and live it.
The ego self’s definition of perfectionism is often based on long held, most often unconscious beliefs that who we are, as ourselves, is not acceptable and good enough. These beliefs are often created from a defining moment in our lives at an age where we cannot logically comprehend that a comment, action or experience is not about us, but about another person or even just a random happening.
From this defining moment we may filter, delete, distort and generalise information to determine that there is something wrong with us, then go on an endless pursuit of perfectionism throughout our lives to prove the world wrong.
However, greater awareness of self will show that as we hold this belief, the only way to reach perfectionism is to personally eradicate the belief itself and come to see, know and feel that we are wonderfully perfect and whole as we are … right here …. right now …. in this moment and in this form.
We often choose to believe that life and others are telling us we are not perfect, when it is simply us choosing to believe we are not. But you know what? Once you own that the idea of perfectionism has been your choice all along based on a skewed past belief, you then have the power to say ‘Enough! No more! I’m creating change, today!’
So here are some practical tips to help you live a perfectly imperfect life
Understand that all emotions you exhibit create a holistic human experience. Each experience and its subsequent emotion is presented to each and every one of us to learn, grow and evolve. You are not ‘wrong’ for feeling anything – congratulate yourself that you feel in the first place! Feeling is the key to manifesting change. If you are feeling anything other than joy, love, bliss or happiness, your soul is letting you know that change needs to be made, from a small life tweak to perhaps a major life overhaul.
Utilise my Three A's For Change to manage any negative emotions: Acknowledgement, Awareness and Action:
- Acknowledge what you are feeling. Running from painful emotions only has them running alongside you. Accept that they are present – for now.
- Seek awareness as to what your emotions are telling you. All emotions provide a holistic human experience and are present to assist us in our growth, evolution and learning.
- From this awareness as to what reason these unhelpful, unwanted or unresourcesful emotions are present for you right now, you can then take any necessary, personally action to instigate change of unecological beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions, strategies and patterns that you are currently running.
Know that in living an 'imperfect life' and in the acceptance of who you are, you will teach others to do the same. A lot of us are mothers .... isn't this what we want to teach our children? Be the example you wish your children to embody. Show them that who they authentically are is accepted, loved and appreciated.
Understand that perfection is only a perception, based on your own unique set of beliefs, and seeing as you created your beliefs in the first place, it is absolutely possible to release any unwanted beliefs and replace them with new, empowering, beliefs of self love, worth and accpetance.
Going after the idea of perfection is like shadow boxing - punching at something that does not exist. In this driven state to perfection you will never arrive at your destination. Therefore, start acknowledging what does exist for you, what you do have, what you can be grateful for, what you have achieved. It is in counting our blessings that we truly see the perfection in our lives. Our focus is diverted from what we perceive we are not to what we wholly and wonderfully are. Whatever you focus on, multiplies. This creates greater acceptance and love for self.
Understand that who you are at core, is perfect already. You are a soul having a human experience, an experience in the school of life which will present you with many and varied lessons along the way for your own growth. You do not have to work toward perfect, you already are. Acknowledge that you are more, so much more than your human form and you will resonate with perfectionism.